For Those Who Have Loved and Lost
by fiercejinx
Summary: Stuck in the future, Kagome left behind those who meant most to her. She married a nice, decent man but now, near the end, she can think only of Sesshoumaru. Her husband wonders why he could never understand her at all. Sess/Kag


_Summary: Stuck in the future, Kagome left behind those ho meant most to her. She married a nice, decent man but now, near the end, she can think only of HIM. Her husband wonders why he could never understand her at all. Sess/Kag_

**For Those Who Have Loved And Lost**

"It has been so long……." Her eyes were distant, the exhaustion eating away at her limbs. Fear.

He stands away, turns away because he cannot see, cannot understand, this woman, at the verge of death, eyes fixed in the past, looking beyond what he can see…

He cast a sideways glance at her and thought that it was not fair. This girl, this woman that he had loved for so long ailed for something –_someone_, his mind supplied- and there was nothing he could do about it. This girl who lived with a mystery and talked of half fantastical, half-true things that made him want to believe her….it was not fair.

Kagome looked at the embers of the dying sun and a peaceful, melancholy smile graced her worn, tired face, lusterless almost glassy eyes. So ironic that so many years later, it should come to this. So ironic that after everything she had done it should end like this. Her bed was lying under the tree, the sweet smell of autumn and evening in the air as birds chirped softly and a cool breeze carried melancholy thoughts on its wings..

They were all gone, _he_ was gone and now, all that was left was this man, strong and faithful who had loved her all her life and she had loved him too but it was not the same and she could not help the regret in her heart, although she knew she shouldn't, _she shouldn't_ and it will never be enough but she just wants to see _him_ one more time and then she smiles wondering how many others have thought the same.

No it is not fair that he has to watch this, because this is her, the woman in his heart and they had shared everything except her secrets because those, she said, were not for him and she is sorry but that's the way it is and can he accept her like that? And he does because otherwise, he knows she will leave and things will never be the same because she is the only one, and there will be no other like her…

He asked her about her life once, the men who once had her heart and she had smiled and said that there were two- one who died and one who was too far away to matter and through the pain in his heart he had asked her that if _he_ were here, would she have chosen _him_ and she had laughed a sad little laugh and said that it was not that simple and that she could never choose _him_ and he had allowed himself to be reassured and not listened to that part of his mind that told him that she hadn't said _no_.

He wants to help her, wants to be with her in her hour of pain but he doesn't know how because in her sleep, she talks of demons and half-demons and someone called Inuyasha and the past and jewels and battles and poisons and he wonders whether her pain makes her hallucinate strange things, wonders why he is afraid that it doesn't…

And when she cries in her sleep, he holds her hand, but her pain is more, different, and he wonders what she has seen to be scarred like that…brave Kagome, his Kagome who is never afraid of anything…..

He looks at her and she seems to be seeing something, reading something in the sky and the wind and he wonders why she will not tell him…he wonders why he does not really want to know…

Then she stiffens a look of disbelief on her face. All color seeps from her cheeks and then she is breathing harshly and he is by her side in an instant, holding her…

There is the sound of the door to the garden opening and a man steps in, impeccable in his black suit and brown eyes, somber and serious.

"Not now, please," he says, "As you can see, my wife is very ill and we would like some privacy."

The stranger disregards him completely and stares at her oddly, and he turns to look at her and she is staring at him in much the same way and with a stab right through his heart, he knows that this is _him_ and he looks more closely at the stranger and realizes that _he_ is young, too young to even have known Kagome in her youth and he wonders if perhaps there is some mistake.

Kagome is limp in his arms and she is smiling more serenely and more peacefully than he has ever seen her and that eternal torment in her blue black yes is gone for the first time as if they have found what they were searching for…

_He_ is closer now and he reaches out to brush tears out of her eyes which, he is startled to see, are flowing freely…strange, he hadn't noticed…but maybe that was because this was _Kagome_, who cried a lot, seemingly for no reason and over the years, he has grown used to her tears and sometimes does not even notice them because she is so good at crying silently…

"It is….really you…" she whispers softly and he sees _him_ smile.

"You look just as good with black hair and brown eyes," she tells him and he thinks distantly that he should feel angry and betrayed, but as he sees them exchange knowing looks, the kind he himself was never able to share with his wife whom he had known for almost her entire life, all he can feel is a sort of deep sadness and inexplicable shame…

"You haven't changed at all," _he_ tells her. He looks at _him_ in surprise because there is no way Kagome has not changed, she has been ill for many years now, and the illness has robbed her of her beauty and now she is a thin, emaciated version of herself, but Kagome smiles as if she knows what he is saying…

She moves away from him and stands by herself, which is an incredible feet, since the doctors had told them many days ago that she would not be able to move from her bed soon. _He_ holds her hand and leads her to the bed and she lies down, not taking her eyes off of _him_…

He looks at _him_ closely and conceded that _he_ is good looking but he wonders what is so special…

"It is time," she says, "I waited for you." _He_ nods once.

She is in too much pain, he thinks, and so she thinks she can ward off death for _him_ but there is again that tiny part of him that says maybe, maybe she can…

"Do you remember…what we said…back then…"

_Back then_, she makes it sound as if it as been years, centuries…

He nods and for a moment, he sees in _his_ eyes, the same pain that he has seen in hers for so long…

"We promised that we would win…" her voice is flat, raspy.

"But here we are now," he finishes.

"We never stood a chance," she says.

"And we never believed that, not once."

"Are you happy?"_ he_ asks and he thinks that it is stupid, cruel question to ask but she smiles.

"I am now," she raises herself up a little and he wants to tell her not to exert herself but he is paralyzed, unable to move and besides, _he_ doesn't say anything.

"Next time," she says, "Next time, it will not be like this…" _his_ face is impassive, carved out of granite. "Next time, we will win…"

She reaches out to him and he grasps her hand strongly in hers. "Next time," he murmurs, "you be the demon."

She laughs a watery laugh _– last laugh-_

"I know you envy me," she tells him.

He is embarrassed for her but he sees the longing in his eyes and wonders _who__** are**__ they?_

They share a long look as if sharing everything that time stole and then they embrace and they are holding each other so tightly and it is strange that he doesn't event think to be offended…it is as if he has waited his whole life to see this, _them_…

The twilight has fallen but it is not night yet and when _he_ lowers her gently onto the bed, she says, "Please, I want to see you…just on more time…" and _he_ looks at her with so much love in his eyes that he almost staggers back and then _he_ steps back and stands, staring hard at her and he can't turn his eyes away…

No, he can't really be seeing this, because this can't happen…

_He_ is seems suddenly paler and his hair is longer, longer, lighter….nails are longer…_claws…_and when he opens his eyes, they are _golden…_

She smiles in peace and closes her eyes and relaxes…

…and it is as if he is galvanized into motion…

"NO!!" he shouts. "You! What have you done to her?? She was fine a minute ago…"

He turns to him but he has black hair and brown eyes and he wonders if he imagined the whole thing…

He rushes to her and holds her hand but of course, it is cool, warmth leaving it slowly. Tears stream down his own face and he resists the urge to scream.

_He_ has turned towards the door, to leave…he lets go of Kagome and calls out…

"Wait."

_He_ stops but does not turn around.

"Please, I need to know…" he trails of, gathers the courage to ask the question he should have asked her long ago.

"Who was she?"

He remembers that he is her husband and has known her _almos_t her whole life, except for those parts that he doesn't and he has always told himself that that was okay because that was only a few months out of her whole life so it can't be that important right? And then he remembers that he never really knew the answer to this question and he thinks that if anyone knows, it is this man…

_He_ is silent for a long time and he thinks that perhaps he will not answer until-

"She belonged to another time-" _–we both did-_

"She was…the woman I loved-" –_the __**only**__ woman I loved-_

"She was the woman who loved me…"

_He _walks away and he falls to his knees weeping in sorrow and shame and regret…

_The woman who loved him…the woman who loved him…the woman who loved __**him**__…not me, never me…loved __**him…**__but she would have told me and I never asked…not me, never me, only him, only him.._

Tact was never one of Sesshoumaru's strong points.


End file.
